The Creeping Terrible! aka known as The Creeping Terror (1964)

accidentally-hilarious-robot-monster

This post is part of Movies Silently’s Accidentally Hilarious Blogathon!

creeping-poster

THE CREEPING TERROR (1964)

I never pay attention to IMDb scores… I like to watch something and get my own feel for a film or television show. So I won’t mention that this film got a whopping 2.1 and is considered one of THE WORST films ever made. Yes, it’s true it’s terrible even when judged by the standards of the most elite cheesy films that have been dubbed a ‘turkey’… So terrible…. in that delicious, so bad it’s good way…It is inane on an Operatic level!

I mean a rambling patchwork carpet monster. The underside of this slow roaming rug whose cotton batting seems glued with excelsior having come unfurled after years of moths gnawed at it… make it look like the stuffing’s coming out of this film itself!

It’s ‘creeping’ head has little hardware coils like dread locks on it’s bulbous alien dome. Reminiscent of creative animator Art Clokey’s lovable green clay guy– it’s almost Gumby-seque face wearing a prairie bonnet of scrap metal or a mutated brussels sprout wearing curlers? One could even imagine a Venutian Raggedy Ann doll’s head…. geesh this creeping nightmare is a wonderful mess!

Gumby Alien

CapturFiles_32
Gumby’s alien grandma Medusy?

not to mention…

When the thing rears up, it looks more like director Nelson, was working on some subliminal Freudian angst about giant gaping vagina’s eating him… a woven vagina I might add with a phallus shaped head! Wow talk about your double entendres.

CapturFiles_12

Neither the acting nor the storyline matter since it’s all about the lumbering carpet monster on the screen… wow, this is sublimely brilliant in an unintentional way, or for the purposes of this blogathon, it’s Accidentally Hilarious!–So many scenes in fact are hysterical, so much so that the folks at MST3K couldn’t resist the temptation to lampoon it.

Let me say I adore this film. The same way that us cult fanatics worship Ed Wood’s filmsBecause they are endearing and engaging and utterly ludicrous yet engrossing. That takes a certain kind of distinctive potion to create a film that both stinks…. yet entertains ceaselessly.

There’s even a documentary called “Creep’ by Colorado film maker Pete Schuermann   www.creepfilm.com  which chronicles the behind the scenes going ons of seedy director Art J. Nelson, a con man, pimp, drug addict and purveyor of under aged girls who reportedly ‘auditioned’ for him. He was threatened with jail time.

I know people have written about MANOS: The Hands of Fate (1966) being the worst, or Plan 9 From Outer Space, and of course Phil Tucker’s awesomely ludicrous Robot Monster (1953) befit with a cockamamie ape suit, diving helmet and bubbles, lots of tiny little bubbles. And of course the ever popular ‘Jan in the Pan’, better known as The Brain That Wouldn’t Die 1962

Still… It’s this little creeping gem that gets under the skin a little like ring worm.

The Creeping Carpet

Worm… no more like slug. Yes, the Creeping Terror is a giant monster that looks like the prop department ransacked a decaying mansion’s attic and found Old Granny Holestead’s Persian Rug who mated with a Chinese Dragon Costume from the Chinese New Year’s Dragon Dance designed by Jim Henson.

The best part is the speed at which this monster…. well…. CREEPS. it actually does creep. So slowly, at a slugs pace, that it’s any wonder it gets to eat any people in the film at all.

There’s so much time to run away from this lumbering human eating carpet slug, but NO!!!!! people get devoured as if frozen in time, slowly caught in their fright scream–as they are consumed by this broadloom land shark, this gaping maw of an area rug on the prowl and the mostly female legs hanging out the hole to prove it!

From John Stanley’s Revenge of the Creature Features Movie Guide“It depicts an elongated alien monster resembling a clumsy shag rug which devours people through a gaping maw, overturns cars and takes forever to shamble ten feet!”

Yes that’s another fetish aside from the leggy part of the female anatomy that the monster is fixated on, it also has a hankering for cars. Loves to rub up against them, turn them over… and shamble after them…

creeping & car

CapturFiles_70
this man is parked at lover’s lane by himself… hhmm

CapturFiles_71

CapturFiles_72

CapturFiles_80

CapturFiles_82a

CapturFiles_83
still just settin’ and smokin’ his pipe at lover’s lane

CapturFiles_84

CapturFiles_89

CapturFiles_91

CapturFiles_92

CapturFiles_96

CapturFiles_98

CapturFiles_101

CapturFiles_105

Something of interest for me is the fact that Byrd Holland plays the sheriff. He was responsible for the make-up in Lemora (1973) and The Baby (1973) starring Ruth Roman and Cronenberg’s Rabid (1977). Holland is a highly intelligent and talented artist, and I love to see someone with their own vision start out in such a uniquely either intentional or inadvertent timeless culty piece of artistic refuse.

Directed by A. J. Nelson aka Vic Savage the actor who plays Martin Gordon. The story is written by Robert Silliphant. The Beach Girls and the Monster 1965 & The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!! 1964

Martin and his new wife

Vic Savage (director A. J. Nelson himself) plays deputy Martin Gordon, Shannon O’Neil plays new bride Brett Gordon, William Thourlby is Dr. Bradford, John Caresio plays Col. James Caldwell, Brendon Boone plays Barney the Deputy. Jack King is Grandpa Brown, Louise Lawson is the blonde in the gold pants…. And Larry Burrell is our narrator… thanks Larry for the stirring police procedural or army training film like earnestness.

The director of photography is Andrew Janczak, A.J. Nelson did the editing and Clifford Stine is attributed with the special effects. Jon Lackey designed the monster. (Perhaps, After an all night drinking binge woke up under his Aunt Tilly’s Turkish Rug imagined he was being eaten and boom you got a monster!

The opening titles were designed by the uncredited visual effects specialist Richard Edlund.

Frederick Kopp’s scintillating musical score is perfect for the mood, with discordant jazz piano and troubled horns!

There’s some very funky sound effects actually and in spots a grim Hammond organ underscore the scenes with a ironic incongruous hilarity. Then a serious horn section cuts in with the anxious post modern piano stabs that accentuate the rollicking peril….!

Creep

Art Direction by Bud Raab… art direction? Teehee that’s a credit worth mocking!

Okay the plot rolled into one tiny little carpet runner– Actually filmed in Lake Tahoe

A rocket crash lands in the fictional Angel County, California. What comes crawling out of the busted hull of the craft is an alien monster that looks like a lumbering Cabaret Kafkaesque metamorphosized Turkisk Rug that mated with a caterpillar and moves at the rate of of 2 inches per hour– wreaking havoc in a small town. As it traipses through the country scenery and urban nite life it munches on all it encounters.

Now the newly married deputy Martin Gordon (the sheriff has been killed while investigating the ship, by a second little carpet monster still inside the spacecraft) must stop it from eating the entire town. Aided by scientist Dr. Bradford and Col James Caldwell and the military. (guys who can’t aim their guns in time or spread out enough or not trip over their own combat boots not to get eaten!) Caldwell gets orders to suppress the news about the monster.

This mindless ravenous rug is actually a probe that is on earth to take samples, analyze and send them back to their alien galaxy before they plan on conquering our planet!

The only film with no dialogue but tons of incongruous narration. Reportedly the original audio tracks were lost. What’s left are scenes that are guided by sober voice-over and the side step here and there to regard the virtues of married life…

Narrator: “Barney and Martin had been bachelor buddies for years. But now that Martin was settling down to marriage, they were slowly drifting apart. Barney, naturally, was still dating all the girls in town, and he couldn’t understand why Brett and Martin didn’t pal around with him more than they did. He couldn’t comprehend that married life brought with it not only new problems and duties, but the necessary togetherness of husband and wife as well. Despite Brett’s most tactful considerations, such as inviting him over to dinner quite often, Barney was growing resentful of her, or at least she felt that he was. Since time began this change in relationships probably happened to all buddies in similar circumstances. Life has its way of making boys grow up, and with marriage, Martin’s time had come. His life was now Brett, a life that he thoroughly enjoyed.

Deputy and Wife tre sexy
That’s okay guys, I’ll just let myself out. Thanks for the drink…
In a remote part of the county a first in a series of tragedies.. the narrator says with happy jazz underscoring it
Narrator-“In a remote part of the county a first in a series of tragedies..” delightful jazz score

CapturFiles_1

CapturFiles_2

CapturFiles_3

CapturFiles_4

Veiled warnings against the ills of sexual freedom and singlehood considering most 50s & 60s Sci-Fi/Horror films show that the victims are eaten while in the throws of youthful raging hormones or libidinous acts of desire. Evidenced by the shots of the female legs that lay sprawling out of the gaping orifice of the wonderfully asinine monster’s mouth. He also eats a girl in a bikini, several couples at a picnic, grandpa and little Bobby fishing!

Narrator: “That afternoon, in Mungreeve Park, a group of neighbors got together for a hoot-e-nanny.”

And of course the rudimentary neckers parked at the local lovers lane.

Trepsing at the hootenanny

Trepsing Terror

One of the most bizarre and ‘creepy’ scenes that stuck out for me is where the mother hanging her laundry is about to be the carpet-pillar’s snack, just prior to, she shows us the thermometer before she’s about to take her baby’s temperature rectally ‘off camera‘… Oy vey!!! No not that way please!!!!!

Betty Johnson blows a good bye kiss to her husband ... but for the last time
Narrator-“Betty Johnson blows a good bye kiss to her husband … but for the last time”

Poor baby let mommy take your temperature

the thermometer

the poor baby
why is this baby crying?
betty laundry eaten
Please don’t eat me now… my baby’s inside and he’s got a terrible temperature! Is that you junior?Mommy will be there in a moment darling! Nice to have met you carpet monster!

But perhaps the most surreal, and favorite scene for me is the killer (literally) dance sequence when the carpet monster invades the dance hall. People are twisting and gyrating all groovy and early rock n’ roll 60s like and this plodding monstrosity manages to devour all of these hapless souls who just stand there waiting to get eaten… remember the stampede from The Blob!!!!  this is the antithetical-flight– the languid stand there and wait to be eaten group death scene.

Grandpa
Grandpa and Bobby went fishing… poor Grandpa and Bobby… Bobby? Bobby? Bob–bee!!!!!

CapturFiles_25

CapturFiles_28

Swinging at the dance hall
Swinging at the dance hall!!!

CapturFiles_29

Trepsing toward the dance hall 2

girl in the gold pants
credited as the girl in the gold pants!

CapturFiles_30

"My god what is it?" that's what we'd all like to know!
actress flew in from Newark NJ for this memorable piece of dialogue-“My god what is it?” that’s what we’d all like to know!

CapturFiles_34

CapturFiles_37

CapturFiles_38

CapturFiles_40

CapturFiles_43

CapturFiles_44

CapturFiles_45

CapturFiles_46
when a giant alien carpet monster invades the dance hall festivities it just goes without saying… there should also be a bar room brawl!

CapturFiles_48

CapturFiles_38
Clear the dance floor… Hot soup coming through!-And did someone order the Lobster Newburg?
CapturFiles_49
Yummy… another pair of female gams to crunch on!

CapturFiles_54

CapturFiles_55

2

CapturFiles_56 the third pai r of ladies legs jutting out of the monster's hole
He’s on his third pair of lady legs!!! just loves ’em!

CapturFiles_56

CapturFiles_57

no survivors
though the crowded dance floor scrambled to get away as fast as mannequins in a store window-there were no survivors!
CapturFiles_59
At Perswigian’s Rug Bazaar there’s no rug too big for our craftsmen to appeal to your good taste!–we deliver even on Sundays!
CapturFiles_62 there were no survivors lol
Oh gosh… these men’s slacks always repeat on me!
CapturFiles_62
Traipsing…. shamble… traipsing… shamble… plod along… traipse some more….

CapturFiles_65

CapturFiles_127

And of course that oh so awkward scene of the giant Persian rug, or pieces of rugs sewn together that attacks an automobile with passengers… looking like it’s actually making whoopee with the car spray painted 23 Skiddoo— for the third time we see a pair of female legs (an obvious fetish of director Nelson’s, being consumed by the great sluggish beast–oh my this film’s got so many wacky tid bits.

carpet1

10

This creeping carpet thingy just leisurely eats it’s way through people til you’re scratching your head asking why and how? because the pace it shambles is more emblematic of a Bergman character contemplating life and not a 60s sci-fi monster. Well with the exception of Corman & Blaisdell’s cucumber monster in It Conquered the World who sort of just trundled out the cave barely flapping it’s rubber arms at the flame throwers!

Martin was outraged by the governments intellectual approach to a monster that had already killed and caused  the disappearance of his two close friends.

Narrator- “Martin was outraged by the governments intellectual approach to a monster that had already killed and caused  the disappearance of his two close friends.”

Aside from the moral message, get married… the film isn’t somber, intense or foreboding. It’s not nostalgically exhilarating or dreary or even tragically triumphant… it’s just darn hilarious! And there you have it….

So much carpet monster eating carnage!!!

CapturFiles_128

CapturFiles_130
Narrator: “The Sergeant, a shaken man, returned babbling about what had happened. Realizing the full danger of the situation, decided he had only one means left to stop the monster: Grenades. Now Bradford made a drastic move. Acting on his superior authority, he forbade Caldwell to destroy the creature. The Colonel, more concerned with saving human lives than advancing Science, told Bradford to “Go to Hell.”

CapturFiles_131

CapturFiles_135

CapturFiles_136

CapturFiles_139

CapturFiles_138

From IMDb trivia-

  • According to rumors, a more impressive looking monster was originally designed and built for the movie. However, only a few days before shooting was to begin, the monster was stolen. Pressed for time and out of money, director Vic Savage and his crew hastily threw together the infamous “pile of carpets” monster that appears in the film.
  • The stock audio of the monster’s growling was also used in Battle Beyond the Sun (1962) and Jack the Giant Killer (1962).
  • Filmed at the Spahn Ranch infamous Manson gang residence.
  • The opening titles were done by then-unknown Richard Edlund. He is uncredited in the film.
  • Evidence is lacking that this film ever received a theatrical release. There were no advertised theatrical showings in The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, or The Chicago Tribune before it began to be shown on television circa 1976.

8

 

The Pow Pow Pow Award goes to… “Curse of The Swamp Creature” 1966!

This putrid endeavor by schlockmeister Larry Buchanan, doesn’t even apply to the “it’s so bad it’s good” category. It’s just purely awful. And so here at The Last Drive In it has earned the Barney Fife Takes a Great Big Axe and Pow Pow Pow! to this horrible bit of film schlocking.”

But what did I expect…When I couldn’t even make it past 20 minutes of Buchanan’s other unnecessary remake The Eye Creatures 1965 which was a re do of Invasion of The Saucer Men 1957 . Or his other schlocky “Story of a Witch Who Became Restless in Her Grave”  The Naked Witch 1961.

The Curse of the Swamp Creature (1966)

This is director Larry Buchanan’s ludicrous and at times offensive remake of Ed L Cahn’s  Voodoo Woman 1957.

Ed L Cahn’s Voodoo Woman

It’s truly an awful piece of junk, that actually made my brain hurt and my body ache to have to sit and watch it all the way through in order to distinguish it with the Pow Pow Pow Award.

It’s also sad that John Agar actually participated in this project or any other Buchanan project, not that he’s a great thespian of the stage and theater. Not that his film credits add up to an impressive career. His presence does lend that certain warmth, a familiar face amidst the B-movie debris. Unfortunately here, he doesn’t contribute any charisma, or plausibility to the plot at all. He appeared to be tagging along with the rest of the cast, as if he was just waiting around in between scene changes like a burned out accountant waiting to do their taxes. Was Buchanan blackmailing Agar? Why else would he do this film.

The film tone, I don’t mean atmosphere, I mean HUE,  itself has a greenish coating over it as if director of photography Ralph K Johnson went crazy with a Roscolux #90: Dark Yellow Green lighting gel, which made the film green and murky rather than moody. Was it a queer arty attempt at Day for Night.

There are retro horror/sci fi films that have a certain charm because they took themselves seriously and didn’t realize that they were making fools of themselves. The narratives filled with an intense passion that couldn’t be pulled off, still giving it a kind of quirky likability. Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space for instance. Ed Wood’s films in general for that matter.

Now, having grown up on Long Island I can tell you, that this was not filmed in the balmy, wormwoody, mossy, Gothic backwoods of the bayou swamp lands. Eastern Texas perhaps, well it is on the border of Louisiana… Continue reading “The Pow Pow Pow Award goes to… “Curse of The Swamp Creature” 1966!”

Barney Fife Takes a Great Big Axe and Pow Pow Pow!!! To Bad Horror Films!!!!!!!

Barney likes to take a great big axe and give terrible horror flix his Pow Pow Pow!!!!

Movies so bad they’re great!


Today’s “Special Occasion” as Miss Jennifer and Miss Clara Belle would say

EVEN MISS JENNIFER AND MISS CLARA BELLE HAVE TO TURN AWAY IT’S SO BAD!

Shriek of the Mutilated
1974

The always hilarious, terribly acted in particular Tom Grail as Spencer St. Claire in the strangest opening scene it’s too weirdly awesome for words, and Ivan Agar as the weirdest Indian who looks more like a meat packer from Jersey, Laughing Crow (he has no tongue, the natives cut it out because they didn’t believe in the yeti and LC was held captive for 3 days but escaped before the creature tried to eat him?so they cut out his tongue!)

Am exclusive dish on the menu that is “Oriental” great misuse of terminology, anyways, a special meat dish called Gin Sum? which figures into the Indian native culture how? Wait til you find out the ingredients.

An obsessive Academic fop named Ernst Prell played by Alan Brock, who looks like a Nazi who didn’t go to Argentina to hide, instead he teaches Anthropology at the University of idiots U.S.A.

Tawm Ellis as Dr Karl Werner who’s elocution sounds like he’s trying badly, to channel the great Vincent Price.

The day for night scenes that are clearly more day than night. Dr Werner recounted the night he heard the heart beat of the wild beast, the clouds covered the moon, so there was hardly any light to see, although it was obviously 12 noon and I could see every bit of patio furniture on this Island filled with natives? that looked more like Staten Island than Boot Island.

A public domain classical film score that belongs in a 50s travelogue and is so incongruous to the action or lack there of. And best of all, the elusive Yeti creature that looks like a guy in one of those sexual fetish Furry costumes, or a giant killer Lhasa Apso And one of the best lines of all time:

Jennifer Stock as Karen screaming -“it’s his leg, it’s his leg”

It’s  just so god awful it’s that good! Barney says it gets his “Pow, Pow Pow” award….!

Mike Findlay’s Shriek Of The Mutilated 1974 trailer